I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
