Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
