watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
