At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
