Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
