I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
