The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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