even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
