I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
