Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
