he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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