I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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