Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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