When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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