your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
