never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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