the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
