So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
