I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
