People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
