Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
