she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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