oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
