is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize