I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
