Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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