A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
