and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
