capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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