Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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