No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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