i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
