Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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