I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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