I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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