I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
