I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
