If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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