Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
