Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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