Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
