Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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