Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
