Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
