My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
