how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize