You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
