Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
