I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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