now i know why i became what i already was.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
