no, he came in my armpit
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
