apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
