I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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