You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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