4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
