Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize