Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
