what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
