the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
