from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
