I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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