having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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