My hair reeks of homosexuality.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This is my gift to your gina
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize