we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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