the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
