the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
