??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
