i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
