He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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