I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
