You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
