How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
