I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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