Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
