and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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