i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
