Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
