never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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