do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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