He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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