Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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