Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
