Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My balls are so social today.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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