So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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